I Left My Heart In Africa

Our minds and bodies and workloads are here for us in the United States.
But somehow we left our hearts in South Africa.
I heard that once Africa gets inside you, that's it.
You will always be pulled back.
The pull is the dull ache in the place where my heart used to be.

I have this feeling...
We will return.

-amy

Full Circle

Amanda had tears in her eyes.

She had saved up while she worked in Jackson Hole for a volunteering trip to Africa. One might be surprised to know that you have to pay ALOT of money to go across the world, work hard, and give everything youve got. After two and half months abroad, her little sack of African Rand was growing light, and sometimes, so was her faith.

She hadnt found a respectable, decent paying even part time job in Florida since she arrived there mid July of last year. Anyone can feel upset, lost, and discouraged by this. At a picnic table at a little pizza joint outside Kruger National Park, she let it out. Afraid, frustrated and let down.

I encouraged her to keep the faith. At times when it feels like life has you down, and is winning, I turn to faith for the answer. She came here for God, to do some of his good work, she responded to the call, which most would just try to shove back under the bed. I knew in my heart that by giving so much of herself to Africa, her time, her emotion, her exhaustion, and her money, I knew she would be reimbursed by God.

In Florida, two days ago a social work program called her and hired her full time with full benefits to be a child case worker. With her incredible experience, they were impressed and took her on board. Nobody is getting hired right now, but Amanda did.

I dont know if she jumped up and down, but I did.

Its the circle.
You give and give, but if you keep the faith, it will come back to you.
If you give everything to Him, including your gift, He will return it to you in some way.

This is a lesson in faith.
Maybe in these tough times, we need to remember this thought.

Amanda had tears in her eyes again.

-amy

Coming Home

I dont care if you went to the supermarket for an hour, or to Africa for three months, there is this moment when you come through your door that you are comforted and you smile because you are home.

Mine was a little more dramatic yesterday, I actually hugged my house and my little address nameplate and then when I came in the front door it was like a wonderful dream. Everything was extra lovely because Stella put flowers in all the rooms, and a big pile of welcome home yellow balloons are in the living room and there were a couple of chocolates by my bed, but I just couldnt put my head around the fact that all these wonderful things that I love so dearly, were mine. From my comfy copper couches, to the blankets that lay on top of them that I have so missed, to the adorable dishes in the cupboard. I came into my 1000 square foot townhouse, and felt like I was the luckiest and richest person in the world. And maybe I just am.

I missed a few things now that I am home:
Tuck
Sierras growing belly
Special K
Snow
Being cold
That kelly green sweatshirt that says Martha's Vineyard
Liam Thompson
Greys Anatomy
My big refrigerator
I forgot I built a lovely deck
And I forgot I put in gorgeous new doors

Life will mix you up, and confuse you, but I am telling you,
it is so much more fulfilling going through it through the eyes of gratitude.
-amy

It Was You.

A lovely girl that I met over here in the middle of no where Africa told me the other night that she was a giver. She was a giver that had been drained, and emptied out by life, and she came here to refill. It was a simple concept to her, but a profound one to me.

As I write this final entry from computer number 37 at the internet cafe in Obz, Capetown, South Africa on the 92 day of my trip. I am exhausted. I leave for the airport in less than an hour and actually am looking forward to 24 hours of time alone to reflect, to put things in their place in my mind, and to prepare to return to the normalacy of my life.

Perhaps I came here on that cold day in November empty too. So exhausted by life and tired by work to even notice the empty. But this trip has changed me, it has made me more than who I was. It has made me layers deeper with understanding, and scraped off layers of selfishness.

I have survived snakes, spiders, heat, rhinos, aids, tb, malaria, ten flights, two house robberies, 50 very dangerous car rides atleast, stomach flu, hiv, and over a hundred bug bites.

It was you.

I know that it was God looking out for me on this trip because I think He called me to come here. But it was you, my thoughtful friends' cards, my faithful friends' prayers, my parents amazing intrigue with the smallest details of this trip, my brother's missing of me, my emails, my facebook messages, my phone calls, my christmas cards, my galleries incredible understanding of me needing to take risks as an artist, your patience, your letting go of me, your accepting me back, your longing to see me again, your wishes for my safety and for my growth, your 20 dollars you shoved in my pocket on the way out the door, your care for my home, your care for my mail and finances, your inspiration, your faith, your prayers and your love.

You are the reason I will fly home today across almost two oceans with only a little cough and ear infection, but with a heart so full it could burst.

I am full. With tears in my eyes I am ready. I am fulfilled. Im opptimistic. I am happy. I am grateful. I feel full of worth and luck. I am stronger and I am more, and I was able to go to Africa because I could come home to you.

I love you all. You have blessed my life in millions of ways and may I come home with new eyes and a renewed spirit and the air of fulfilling a dream and pass it on to you.

I went to Africa so you didnt have to.
May your life be full.
May your heart be alive.
May you feel ready.
May you feel blessed.

-amy

Lovely Thought

Everyone who has the courage to say what he feels in his heart
is in direct contact with God.
-paulo coelho

Another

Whenever man walks the path of faith with sincerity,
he becomes capable of growing closer to God
and capable of miracles.
-paulo coelho

One more

The best way to serve God is by going in search of your own dreams. Only the happy can spread happiness.
-paulo coelho

Coming Home In The Right Perspective

Things I want to carry over from this Sabela...

1 Give what you can give. Keep this on the front burner of your life.
2 Do what you can do. Everyday.
3 Realize that wealth has absolutely nothing to do with money.
4 Count your blessings. Everyday just name one.
5 Speak from your heart all the time.

When you checkout, smile at people, ask the how they are doing, dont be a rush, no one else is, and then make them laugh. Then just watch what happens.

No matter what, accept that it is really not about you. That would be just too simple. Life would be so unfulfilling if there was only you on this planet.

I think enlightenment is all about giving and giving and giving of yourself. Give your time, give your heart, give five bucks, give somebody a lift, give a car a jump, carry someones groceries, grab the door for someone, hold a childs hand, plow a driveway, do some work for free, dont expect something back, visit someone who is lonely, give whatever you dont need, say something sweet, give a compliment, and it will come back to you twofold.

Maybe it wont come back to you in money, but maybe in revelations, maybe in strength, in faith, maybe it will come back to you in love.

Trust God. Be Strong. Take Heart. Wait for the Lord. and Keep The Faith.
-amy

What I Learned In Africa To Be Grateful For:

today I am grateful that I had three wonderful parents that loved me and raised me
for everyday that I feel like I am someone special
that I have my very own bed that is clean, comfortable and soft
that the air I breathe is clean, fresh, and not laced in sickness and disease
that I have the opportunity to eat a variety of delicious and healthy food
for any type of privacy

that I am surrounded by beautiful attainable nature
that today my head and my stomach dont ache
that I dont have to live outside and sweat in the heat constantly
for a home with a roof that keeps out wind, rain and sand
for shoes that are comfortable and protect my feet from bleeding
for clothes that fit me correctly

im grateful that I am allowed to dream of a bright future
that my country protects me and really does want the best for me
that I am able to be an individual
that the sink will offer me clean water that wont make me sick
that I can leave my house and walk down the street and i will be safe

that I have a chance to give what I have
that I have the tools available to me to study something, practice it and get better at it
that people actually voice that they love me all the time
that my country cares about the planet and it's animals
for silence and for peace

my God preaches forgiveness
that I get paid to do what I love to do
that I dont have to work in back breaking physical labor and earn almost no money
that my friends are my family
that I was somehow born into my blessed life
that no matter what i have, i am beyond wealthy in my blessings.
-amy

Things I WILL MISS about Africa

I will miss Ibanathi (uncle bill), cadbury milk chocolate, stomp the rhino, the sisis four part harmony singing, the hyenas call, the cicadias, reed frogs, kite spiders, the elephants, zero, volleyball, karen's raisin bread cake, howzit, izzit and lekker, toddler bath time, my outdoor shower, giraffe, dung beetles, locusts, lemon cookies that taste like fruit loops, The Green Dolphin, Table Mounain's tablecloth, shosholosa, the John Barry soundtrack, driving too fast in the bush, the Landrover, snakes, the jackalberrys and marulas, all day breakfasts involving croissants and eggs, Harry's Pancakes, especially the banana caramel pancake, maynards, hugging little black kids all day, georgina, lauren, mandy and anna, my time for reflection, the doctor and his wife, rholene, kim, keenan, ed, and ursula, flip flops every day, 75 degree perfection in capetown, Constantia, Stellenboch, Cape of Good Hope, OBZ cafe's total tandori pizza for $2.50 on wednesday nights, cheap food prices, the beautiful accents, the country gables b&b, jo, mike, the secret thumb code hand shake, great white sharks, sisi photoshoots, christian, kirstenboch gardens, whirls, siver trees, shot gunning beer showers in 100 degree nights, lance, duncan, kat, rob, a sense of forgiveness, amanda next to my side, yehbo, my journal, the students, and the indian ocean.

Things I will NOT MISS about Africa.

I wont miss bunk beds, bed bugs, high winds, hostels, cigarette butts, being woken up at four am by drunks, skin infections, snot, crying, lack of privacy, 13 card solitaire, my three ugly tshirts, minibus honking, taxi fares, cockroaches, bad radio stations, bad commercials, the screaming sisis, the heat, the constant gross sweating, Denis, Jacob, rumors, cans of hot soda with straws, fear of robbery, fear of rape, getting up at 5 am, my headlamp, my lime green nalgene bottle, breaking out, being locked in jail at night at the orphanage, diarrhea, the smell of sickness, showers that flood, antibacterial gel, warm milk that somehow never goes bad, shitty products that break before you get them out of the store including notebooks, pens, bottles, suitcases, you name it, the drive to Bap, mice, more mice, ten toddlers crying at once, dialing 50 numbers to call home, messing up the 49th number, starting over, non phone answerers, 6-7pm at Bap, snoring, 6:45 am 150 bottles to make, feeling sick, severe ear infections, sitting outside in the cold on the phone with a blanket over your head to block the wind, trying to keep the cockroaches away, and keeping one eye on the wall for robbers, robbers, the stickyness of the bottles after they are in the cleaning solution, how whatever you have your heart set on in africa, is probably sold out, or closed, or broken in some way, power outages, gross stew, sausage, sand paper towels to shower with, riding in any sort of a mini bus, forever, feeling 80% healthy, horrible guides that work at Kruger, "welcome to capetown," watered down dish soap, my heavy ass backpack, the sound of puking, lesson planning, mattresses that wrap you up like a burrito, the bathroom where nightmares are born at the Ngxingxolo school, and the complete and utter lack of privacy.

Mad Jack

This is the story of how I know God is perfect.

I bought a pair of Tevas for this trip. Nice brown ones to wear as really good African water shoes. Good, solid, thick soled, cover your whole foot, hip, comfortable sandals.

They have come in handy here and there, but I really haven't needed them much. A couple weeks ago, I went back and forth on whether or not to bring them to my final project on the Indian Ocean, because they are pretty heavy and take up valuable space. I finally decided, that yes I had better take them along. Though sure enough, two weeks later and I hadn't put them on once.

I went to pack them to come home tonight and decided I just couldn't be bothered to take them any further in my travels. So, I gave them to Jo to take to her adult computer class this evening and give them to Pumla, the preschool teacher, who is a great link to the community of Chintsa.

Turns out, Pumla was late tonight, but Mad Jack, was perfectly on time.

Mad Jack, is mad, and named by the locals after the crazy funnyness of Jack Russells. Mad Jack does not usually hang out near the school, but he is seen within a 10 mile radius often shuffling through the streets, singing to himself. Tonight though, there he was and he asked Jo for a cigarette, like he does everytime he sees her, and she told him she doesn't smoke just like every other time he had asked.

As he shuffled away though, she remembered the shoes and said "but Jack, I do have a pair of shoes." He turned around. She said "what size do you wear?" and Jack told her a 7 which in America would be an 8. My exact size.

He saw the shoes and his eyes lit up, and his smile widened. He quickly dropped his plastic bag that he was carrying which contained a piece of wood, and a pair of loafers that had two soles that were 3/4 of the way peeled off and broken. He ran barefoot to the shoes, sat down, and tried them on.
They were a perfect fit.

When Jo gives volunteers things away to Pumla like most of the time, she says that while they are grateful they dont say much, just pick out a couple of things and leave...

But Jo said that she has never seen a person so happy in her entire life. She said that Mad Jack walks miles and miles everyday on hard, hot rocky roads, that demolish car tires let alone feet. Roads that aren't fit for a horse to walk down.

He stood up in his new shoes and began to dance. He shuffled down the street across to the right and then back across the street to his left. He said "thank you sisi!" and the children laughed and began to follow him down the street as he knocked on strangers doors to show them his new shoes.

Jo, who has seen alot, alot of poverty, disease, hard times, misfortune, pain, death, everything, she told me this story with tears in her eyes. You can bet that they welled up in mine as well.

She said "Amy, you made a man very happy tonight with your giving."

Friends, this is not my story. It is too beautiful and too perfect. This is God's story.

He put the shoes in my life, he put the high quality long lasting Tevas in my bag for Africa, and just as I was about to leave them in Capetown, he put them again into my bag for Cintsa. Then, he made me leave them there.

God knew that Mad Jack wore a size 8, just like me, long before I bought those shoes.
This happened on the very last night of my 90 days of volunteering.
I stayed exactly this long, for this reason.

This story is perfect.

-amy

My Last Day On The Job

Three hours ago I said good-bye (sala kakuhle) to my last student. I am exhausted from teaching if you can believe that and am excited to be finished. Tomorrow I will have a couple of hours in Capetown to complete my final blog from the shores of South Africa, so stay tuned, there should be some good stuff!
-amy

For Yourself.

You must listen to the elephant

You must smell the summer
You must taste the gem squash
You must make the children laugh
You must hug the Sisis
You must observe the pride of the people
You must see the bee eaters
You must listen to the cheetah purr
You must feel the wrongdoing of a country
You must witness the forgiveness
You must slow yourself to African time
You must taste the sweet wine of the beautiful land
You must listen to where the two oceans meet
You must lose your balance to the cape doctor
You must listen to the ancient languages
You must make short lefts and wide rights
You must stick to the middle
You must savor the rich wonderful chocolate chilled
You must marvel at the insects and the spiders
You must gasp at the African Rock Python
You must giggle with the baby Rhino
You must wrap your arms around South Africa
And then tuck it safe in your heart.

Leaving the Bush Again February 7th 2009

Leaving the bush, I feel very content. We came, we did a good job, we sweat, we laughed, we cried, we fulfilled the mission and represented our country well.

I wish I could put the canyon, the green hills, the sunflowers, the smell of summer, the beautiful accents, the wide smiles, the soundlessness of the elephant, the sun's intensity, the quiet, the mystery and the peace into a box.

I would give this box to everyone I know upon my return. Unfortunately, I cannot give this gift.

You have to come fetch it yourself.

If you dont make it here though, I hear that heaven looks alot like this place, accept perfect. Maybe I am not sad because I will be back again.

Chintsa

I have found myself yet in a new place, deep down against the Indian Ocean in a tiny town called Chintsa. Which you wont easily be able to pronouce because the Ch make a "t" cluck sound when your toungue touches the roof of your mouth. The school I work in is worse... Ngxingxolo and there is a cluck on both x's. Try that one!

The town is lovely, very hilly green and mountainous, cows, chickens, goats, roosters, dogs and cats are everywhere, people are dressed in their bright aqua dresses, and red headpieces, floral prints and white toothy smiles. I walk down the big hill every morning to where we meet for school and the silver Indian Ocean plays before me. Next to it a lovely beach full of white sands, and millions of seashells that have washed up here as well.

The other evening storm clouds moved in, but it didnt stop the hundreds of men and boys that were practicing soccer on the beach. Nor did it slow down the two women who run the preschool. Although both are in their older ages, they used a spade and a shovel like a tireless teenager. Their backs are as strong as their minds, hearts and traditions. We couldnt hold a candle to their work ethic.

The children are lovely, I teach all ages from 5 to 22. Some high schoolers are 22 and married. At the end of long windy, rocky bumpy roads hundreds and hundreds of students gather in their navy blue sweaters and black pants and skirts with pride to learn. They are attentive, interested and some are very smart. They are excited about Valentines day, curious about white teachers from far away, and their eyes light up at the term, World Cup.

When I walk home along the ocean, I feel sad to know I will never return to this place. I am sure if I come to Africa again, I will want to see new countries, and for some reason... it hurts. It kind of numbs your heart that you are only here to help for such a short time, to make children laugh, and then to never see them again. The place is like out of a dream, and I am sorry to leave it although I know my time has come. It is hard to explain.

Unfortunately I hear random stories about home, and about the chill of fear in the air, and the wind of depression on the horizon. Lets just say Im not running for the plane. Because, while draped in poverty here, we are pretty much all smiles.

I know that it is so hard to remove oneself from where you are in your world and work and life because it is all around you, but at home where we have EVERYTHING, fear and depression lurk, but here where we have NOTHING, there is pride, smiles, and hard work, yet a sense of contentment and happiness. How I wish I could bring these feelings home and spread them out.

I did wake up the other day though on my 82 night of sleeping on terrible mattresses, and said to myself, yep, Im tired, Ive come to do what I said I would, I did a good job, and im ready to go home.

Goodbye SA

Well, today I leave the wonderous land of South Africa. I'm excited to go home, but still my heart is torn because I do love it here and the memories and experiences will forever be with me, until I return again someday. Though I am departing now, I will soon be at home where I can add pictures and have time to write a few more entries, so please keep up. Amy will be here another 2 weeks, so I know she'll have more to add as well. I will miss this place and my life in it dearly. Keep reading as I will write more . . .

Sunday, February 1, 2009 day 72

I just love the first days back to Bap because they go so quickly. Tomorrow is our last day and I feel perfect about it. We have done our time here and I'm exhausted from it. I've learned so so much, and if I stay another week, I might have to bring Bill Cosby home with me.

We have brought in the new bottle system and taught the new volunteers. We have gotten nice gifts for the Sisis to take home for themselves and their families to tell them that they are so special and so needed here. We have put in our suggestions to have two volunteers specifically dedicated to little babies, because we think it would be very successful. The babies would be cared for better, it would help their development physically, emotionally, and socially and they DESPERATELY need more attention.
Amanda and I had a lovely talk tonight about art, God, and life. She is so great one on one. These talks are what make up our strong relationship. There are not many people that I could go spend 80 straight days with, 24/7.
Tonight is my last night alone at the kitchen table in our flat at Bap. Who would have guessed that so much of my growth would happen in the late hours of the night here with my journal. That the next steps of my career and my life would formulate in this tiny little ugly room with handprints on the wall, and mice behind the fridge.
In the prison... or was it the university?
-amy

Let The Children Come

In the past 6 weeks we have been:
Snotted on
Peed on
Thrown up on
Spit up on
Bled on
Diarrheaed on
Spit on
Smacked
Slapped
Punched
Targets for flying objects
Pinched
Stabbed
Hair pulled
Climbed on
Kicked
Tripped
and still, we bravely say, 'Let the Children Come.'

When these kids do all this stuff it can be frustrating and unstanitary and well, read the list above and come up with your own emotions, but all that stuff cancels out when you can take a child that feels sick and make them stop screaming by just simply holding them, and when another one gets slapped and they run to you for comfort and when they just see you and a great smile spreads across their face and they run to you with open arms to be held and hugged. Doesn't the good in the world always cancel out the bad! Doesn't the good make all the bad so worth it! I think so, so,
Let the children come!!!
-Amanda

Falling In Love with the People of Africa

We have been living in Africa for sixty five days now.
We feel pretty at home here now.

All kids black or white, love to be tickled, laughed with, and held.

The laundry womans name is Lorainne
and if you bring her a shirt later that you forgot to put in your load,
she'll do it for free.

If you push too hard on water fountain at the gym
it will squirt all the way across, hit the wall, and puddle up on the floor.

After dinner one night I was asked if I had any money, and I didnt,
but I did have half a chocolate milkshake.
It was accepted of course. Then two minutes later and 50 steps behind me I heard. "NICE!"
I smiled back, we laughed.

If you walk 25 minutes to the gym on your day off,
you might see a woman that is about 75, who pulls up on the sidewalk to park,
and doesnt give a crap if people dont like that idea.
If you help her get into her car,
put the groceries in the back with her cane,
then pile up the three pillows on the drivers seat so she can see the road.

You might meet one of our Taxi drivers like Lyndon, or Simon, and they might need you to push start their taxi and hope it runs for one more day.

If you take the turn to sharp around the corner of Sussex street
watch out because you will run into the cactus plant.

You might learn how to use a blanket to tie a baby to your back so it wont slip.
All the four year old girls know as well.

When I ordered midnight cookies and cream ice cream,
the girl behind the counter told me that we are soul sisters because that is her favorite too.

The man that works in the ancient african masks store downtown,
well thats HIS painting on the wall to the right
and he is working on a few more. He's sold two already.

Want life open to open up to you?

Smile,
Dont be in a rush... no one else is.
Ask people how they are.
Make them laugh.
Then watch what happens.

Now that is the simple answer to an amazing life.
-amy

Trip to the Top of the World

Ever since I was a kid, I remember looking at maps of the World
and being innately intrigued by the Southernmost tip of Africa.
Yesterday, I went there.
There is something dream-like and fantastic in seeing a dream out.
As we drove down one of the most extremely beautiful roads in the world with the Atlantic Ocean on my right and the Indian Ocean on my left I felt like I was on top of the world.
We drove past white memorials way off in the distance but loomed over the landscape for the famous explores of Diaz, and Vasco De Gama. Everyone remembers these names from learning explorers in fourth grade.
I got chills knowing I was here where their dreams were fulfilled as well.
Here is an aerial view of us crossing the peninsula. Down below is the prison where Mandela served his other 10 years. The landscape is breathtaking in all directions.
It was a wild trip with South African Penguins, Ostriches and Baboons as our mascots today.
But something storylike and magical about the whole scene.
Probably the most beautiful ocean backdrop Ill ever see, followed us all day.
Heres our proof.
Here is the group of us all working at orphanages.
3 americans, 4 canadians, 1 norwiegian.
All trying to give what they can to put a little more good back into the world.
-amy

It's A Hard Knock Life.

But we are doing the best we can!

Wanted to share some special little people with everyone!

This is Sivuyile (ceevoooyeeleeh) and came to us on our second shift with his older sister... he is ALWAYS wearing a sweater and has great cheeks..... i affectionately call him "sweater cheeks" not sure if he cares for the name though!

This is Leyabona on the left. He is just learning to walk! We have all been working with him, he can do it, but he doesnt want to because he know he will get less attention and picked up less once he can walk. He is the class cuddler. Thumb in the mouth cuddle 24/7. Wins the hearts of many a girl volunteer. To his right is the gorgeous Nokithula and I call her "knock-it-to-ya."



Here is Uncle Bill again on the left Ibanathi (ee bon ahh tee.) He is always trying to get closer to me so I can help him stand up and work on walking. When you set him down, he bawls of course. To his right is Onikwa who is a pretty little thing. I think im attracted to big foreheads honestly.

This is Gift. Easiest name to learn and the best dancer in the house. You should see him get down to "If your happy and you know it." I think hip-hop mixed children songs would be a HUGE hit here. He's a doll.
Siyuvoya. (see-you-voy-yah) has got the biggest belly and the highest pitch voice in the joint. A little riot honestly. His famous saying is a high pitch "AND ME!!!!" Try to imagine.
This chick has the sweetest name in the house. Sinazo. (sin-ahh-zo) I wish that was my name!
We call her snahz. Cant tell if she's into it yet! Cutie.
Heres a grouping from our smaller crowd. Nikita is a boy on the left and the Ahsamahle (ahh-sah-mall-le) means "I am Beautiful" in Xhosa. Our babies are gorgeous and good looking and unfortunately probably only get held about 2 hours a day. It is SO HARD, we just need more hands you know.



This is Asamahle but we call her CRAZY. She is adorable... walks around on her two feet and her two hands.... no knees involved... like spider woman. She has a habit of cracking up, clapping a lot, and then throwing her head backwards like your making a flip off a diving board. Got have quick reflexes to catch this one. Oh yeah, and ask Amanda about the bruise near her knee about the size of a little mouth. We think she looks like a mouse with fab eyebrows.To the left here we have the Queen Thima (tim-na) who for some reason is loved and adored by all. Kids from all ages come in and carry her around and feed her and bow down to her, she just points all the time like she is giving orders... since she is the queen, she could walk, but just absolutely refuses. A Queen should be escorted. To the right is snahz again looking perfect!
-amy

I Love Africa

Every day I fall more in love with this place. I am completely smitten with the bush and the animals and how amazing they are. The city is another story. I am not a city girl and living in the heart of it for the past 6 weeks is getting old! HA, but to live here is to experience the people and the culture and the way of life. Amy and I did the Robben Island Tour yesterday. For those who don't know it is where Nelson Mandela spent about 18 years in prison, in a tiny cell, crushing limestone everyday damaging his eyes, for wanting nothing more than his people to be free. For everyone to be equally free.

I am completely amazed at how this country has forgiven those who so cruelly and evily oppressed them so. The face of this country was completely changed and now people, as a result, are living in tin shacks and living with an extremely high crime rate, living with the pain of such a traumatic past that was just so recent. The tour guides we have had are people who have personally suffered. Have been in political prisoners for wanting freedom, were torn from there homes as they watched them demolished, they were chased and beaten by police for no reason other than evil decended upon South Africa.

But the evil was defeated and a new unity and hope conquered. The people here now forgive and are educated and are looking forward to a new future, a future of a beautiful country, a future of a World Cup. They see there is no future in hate. The singing can be heard through the city and up to the heavens as they sing for joy of a new day.

I love the people here and the culture. The kids at Bap LOVE to sing and dance. It's such a blessing to get the opportunity to live here for any amount of time and witness the power of forgiveness on such a grand scale and take that and hopefully tell others about it and maybe, we can all learn a great lesson.

What a beautiful country. The ocean is magical, the mountains are humbling as they stand guard over thier city. The elephants protect, the leapord eludes, the rhino grazes and the giraffe browses. The lions play, the birds sing, the snake basks, and the spider weaves. The children dance and laugh and the wind blows. It's all a miracle of God and I, a simple girl, have gotten the great, great honor to witness this, to take it into my heart, and do all I can to spread it as far as my small being can possible go.

This trip on so many levels has changed me and no words could ever describe the wonders I have seen. I am in awe of this amazing world. Thanks be to God because when you see the horrors of the world and all the pain and suffering, and how deeply horrible it all is, God is bigger. If humans have the ability to fall so deeply into evil acts, just IMAGINE the capacity for good that we all have! Good really does win, in the end, as we all know. We just need to open our eyes a bit wider past the evil we see everyday and realize and SEARCH for the good that we sometimes miss. There really is more good than bad! :) Happy searching my friends!
-Amanda

Just Give.

I began thinking about transitioning home from poverty stricken Khayelitsha to posh stricken Jackson Hole long before I even left for this trip. Here I am no one special, who is just trying to help, and make the world two hands better. I don't want the lifestyle of giving to slip from the forefront of my current life to the background when I return home because honestly we are here to give. To be more. It is not about ourselves. There is a much bigger picture to paint.

Well tonight I had a perfect example of this.

We got home late tonight and I was hungry. So, on my way to the internet cafe where I touch base with all of you I went to good old McDonalds. I bought a fish sandwich and a sprite. Then I bought a cheeseburger because I had this feeling I would be giving it away to someone who needed dinner tonight on my way.

Yep, you guessed it, 10o meters out of McDonalds a man stopped me. I said "Are you hungry?" and he said "Yes. very much" and I said "I know." I gave him his cheeseburger all nice and warm with a napkin, like I had picked it out for him and he thanked me.

A minute later I was halfway down the street and he asked for my cold drink for his kids.

I enjoyed my sandwich.

Life is very interesting isnt it?
Its almost like I'm not in charge...
-amy

Sweet South Africa.

I want to try to describe life living in the wilderness with barely any people, but surrounded by thousands of animals, snakes, spiders and millions of mosquitoes. There is a peacefulness to the night, but not a quiet. It is overwhelming with the high pitched frog calls, the smell of campfire and oil lanterns and the sand and the cool beneath your feet. The great hare, Kalulu, lives on the moon and watches over our African nights. Second spring has come to the bush and the baboon tail, the poison apple and the kudu lily are in bloom. The ngala roars and we are sung to sleep at night by the wind through the marula and jackalberry trees. A firefly flashes his love to the glowworm below. Bubbling Kassinas chirp and the final "gooowaway's" are sung. A jackal cackals and finally the haunting lullaby of the hyena comes from the Karongwe river bed. The intense heat of the day lingers in the koppies but is loosing position to the night air and the high pitch of the mozzies reign. Orion tipped upside down, looks down from afar. Slow motion giraffe necks turn from camp and disappear. A white faced owl calls, a baboon howls, a bat sinks low. Deep breath. Sleep.
-amy

Humble me

I first want to thank everyone for all the support I've been given. I have gotten some of the most amazing e mails and notes from people and I am so grateful for them. The people in my life are just too awesome and I am so grateful everyday for them. I don't know and I can't understand why I have been so blessed. I'm so blessed to have a wonderful family who has been nothing but supportive in all my crazy adventures. No one once has ever doubted or been negative, especially my parents. Always backing me up and I wouldn't be who I am without them. I have my 'Florida family' who are also amazingly supportive and I can't thank them enough!

I have my amazing boyfriend who although I know he is dying b/c he wants to be here, and if the roles were reversed I don't know how I would deal with my jealousy! HA, but he teaches me everyday with his support and love and constant excitement for what I'm doing. He is the most selfless person I know! And I guess he's holding me to all my promises that we'll come back here together! ;) (which we will!)

I have my wonderful cousin who is doing all this with me and who without, my life would be so unbelievably different in so many ways!!! That's an understatement. Someone who has taught me so much about giving and learning and absorbing everything life has to offer. She has been a soul sister to me talking about life all hours of the night!

I have had an amazing life thus far, travelling and seeing God's amazing world, witnessing His amazing creation and seeing who He is with every tiny detail that He has artistically crafted! Meeting fantastic people and living in several different cities.

I just am so deeply grateful for this life He has blessed me with. I don't deserve it. I feel so humbled when I close my eyes and see my life. This trip has expanded my vision and solidified what I want to do with my life. Giving back is the only way I can answer this gift of life God has given me. He has brought me here to show me that I can do something this tough and that I enjoy it, love it and want to do it for the rest of my life. I am happy to give my life and what I can to those who need it. I may not be able to give money, but I can hold a crying child, I can give food to a homeless person on the street.

My prayer everyday as I walk into the baby house is that God will love these children through me. I can look past the snotty noses, the illnesses, the smells, the dirt, the pain, the diarrhea down my side (sorry to be crass but it really happened!) and just love on them.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone in my life. I am humbled.

-Amanda

Wednesday January 14th day 54

Today was so nice because it went so quickly! We were off to Bap, but on the way we stopped to buy 100 new baby bottles. That alone is not an easy feat in Africa, one store might have 12, or 7, but we got a hook up to a bulk store and lucked out. Then, the six of us labeled, organized, sorted, figured out, and integrated them into a new system. We can start it up in a few days. It will really speed up our work, which will be great. It takes us over an hour now to make 90 bottles every morning. (A side note here to my friends back home. For all of you that slipped 20s into my pockets to take with me, you did it! You made a difference in these kids lives, I hope to also buy them all new pajamas if the right opportunity arises. It feels SO GOOD to just take our hard earned money, fly across the ocean with it, walk into an orphanage that desperately needs it in the slums of Africa, GIVE, and make a difference. Good on you.)

Today I also crossed over a hump with the orphanage and I stopped disliking being there, and started to enjoy the kids. You must keep your guard up when you reach this point and keep your hands washed, your face still away from them, and try not to catch anything. You are more comfortable together, so it is harder to remember. Speaking of, I am coming down with a cold. Cough. I just sneezed actually.

Lastly, we went to a Braai tonight (african barbque) with everyone from Aviva... including Rholene, Kim, Ed and Keenan. I am going to treat them all to a dinner Sunday night at the exclusive "Blowfish" restaurant in Table view that looks over the bay towards Table mountain. They have all done SO MUCH for Amanda and I and I am sure they dont get thanked properly very often.

The big news of the day is that Amanda and I are going BACK TO THE BUSH! We booked a little five day tour of Kruger! We will get a chance to see the animals in herds, and stay in a real lodge with good food, more drives, more walks and we sort of feel like we are going home.

It is funny how living with the animals has left such an impression on the both of us. We miss it desperately and realize it much more now that we are gone even more than when we are there.
It will be a lovely way to finish up Amanda's trip. I have more to see and do.

P.S.

On the left is Ibanati pronounced.. eee bone atee
and even though we are not supposed to have favorites, he is mine.
We nicked named him Bill Cosby, now I call him "uncle bill."
Now you know everything.

-Amy

Mealtime!

First we prepare the yummy rice and whatever goes on top mixture . . .

Then we sit w/the kids and feed th younger ones . . .

And all are happy!!!

The baby house outside

This is our main outside play area. It is lunchtime here, this is the lunch and dinner table too. To the right is the outside wall of the orphanage and there is a street on the other side. A lot of litter and trash seems to make its way into our play area! Broken glass, broken CD's, bits of plastic, you name it, it's in one of the kids' mouths!

A picture of the 'sand' they play in

The one jungle gym, not too toddler friendly! But they make-do!


A good place for toddlers to get into! Yuck.

Some Pics

Some of the boys getting ready for "La La" time!

Making lunch! Yummy!

Holding one little one . . .

and another . . .

We're Cousins.

I just wanted to take a moment

and tell you all how much I love my cousin,
how proud I am of her and her life,
and how there is no way I could do what you see in this picture
without her support, love and companionship.
-Amy

View from our flat at Bap
I have to admit, I'm suffering from a huge writers block! It's frustrating, I want to have something brilliant to write to inspire and make you feel moved, but at this point I have nothing. I have some pictures of some sweet kids that wake up everyday sleeping 3 to a bed. Kids that share a room with about 10 other kids, a normal sized room. Kids that play in broken glass and sand and still smile and laugh deep wonderful laughs. Kids that bathe with about 20 other kids at the same time. Kids that don't understand the world and how it can be so unfair. They don't realize that other kids, when they are sick, can go lay in their clean bed and be nurtured and doted on by mom and dad. They don't realize that other kids have thier own rooms with toys overflowing through out their own house. They don't realize that other kids can go to parks with green grass and jungle gyms that aren't broken and dangerous. They don't realize that their smiles will be forever in my heart and the lessons they teach me will change me forever. They will grow up and become who knows what. Our prayers can linger with them, but again, this world is not fair and their destinys are unknown. But for now, I can make them laugh, hold them when they fall down, and rock them when they are tired. It is the least I can do for what they have done for me. Will be more inspiring next time!
-Amanda